Archive for December, 2005

Eat healthy. Exercise often. Die anyway.

Thursday, December 29th, 2005

Hi, everyone! Advanced Happy New Year!

This was just too funny to pass up:

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For those who are planning to make resolutions for the new year, here’s one you can strike off the list.
Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it. Don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain… Good.
Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A : You’re not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: What’s the secret to healthy eating?
A : Thicker gravy.
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO… Cocoa beans… another vegetable!!! It’s the best feel-good food around!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Now go have a cookie… flour is a veggie!
If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

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Throwing my hat in the ring

Sunday, December 18th, 2005

Okay, it’s official. I’m in love again.

One of the things that’s always kept me sane is the acceptance that everything is transient; that thought helped me survive my grandfather’s death because, for quite sometime before he passed away, I knew in the back of my mind that he was going away and that I should -and, fortunately, did- cherish him while he was still around.

When I’m in love, I tend to just give and give without thinking about my end of the equation. I admit that I’m afraid to admit to myself just how much I need and want to be loved by this person.

Additionally, when I factor in the thought of transcience, I feel scared. I’m scared that, eventually, for one reason or another, I will part ways with the person I love. Maybe it’ll be a breakup, maybe we’ll grow apart, or -the worst- maybe one of us will pass away.

If I do go away (howsoever it may come to pass), how will she think of me? She will love again, I hope, and be whole once more. Whereas I will be just a memory. Hopefully a fond one, though.

I don’t know. I think that I would like to be the most important person in her life for always. A part of me thinks that’s selfish, but the mortal part of me feels that’s probably the closest chance I have to immortality.

I look into her eyes and I see just how much a part of her life I am TODAY, here and now. I also see in her eyes just how much she hopes to share her future with me.

I also see in her eyes how much she has loved before, and just how much she has lost. I look into her eyes and a hurt yet warm, compassionate soul stares back.

I love her for who she is, and even when I look back on her life’s journey I see the path of a very beautiful soul.

I’ve thrown my hat into the ring, and I’m scared of losing her. But as long as I’m around I will love her and cherish her and share my life’s journey with her for as long as I possibly can.

I hope that, in some distant and as-yet only hypothetical future, she should be able to love and to give compassion to anyone who needs it. When they look into her eyes, I will be there looking back at them if only as a fond memory of another compassionate and loving soul who, at one point in his life, chose to fall in love again.

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