Wherever I go, there I am.

Okay, it’s official. I’m in love again.

One of the things that’s always kept me sane is the acceptance that everything is transient; that thought helped me survive my grandfather’s death because, for quite sometime before he passed away, I knew in the back of my mind that he was going away and that I should -and, fortunately, did- cherish him while he was still around.

When I’m in love, I tend to just give and give without thinking about my end of the equation. I admit that I’m afraid to admit to myself just how much I need and want to be loved by this person.

Additionally, when I factor in the thought of transcience, I feel scared. I’m scared that, eventually, for one reason or another, I will part ways with the person I love. Maybe it’ll be a breakup, maybe we’ll grow apart, or -the worst- maybe one of us will pass away.

If I do go away (howsoever it may come to pass), how will she think of me? She will love again, I hope, and be whole once more. Whereas I will be just a memory. Hopefully a fond one, though.

I don’t know. I think that I would like to be the most important person in her life for always. A part of me thinks that’s selfish, but the mortal part of me feels that’s probably the closest chance I have to immortality.

I look into her eyes and I see just how much a part of her life I am TODAY, here and now. I also see in her eyes just how much she hopes to share her future with me.

I also see in her eyes how much she has loved before, and just how much she has lost. I look into her eyes and a hurt yet warm, compassionate soul stares back.

I love her for who she is, and even when I look back on her life’s journey I see the path of a very beautiful soul.

I’ve thrown my hat into the ring, and I’m scared of losing her. But as long as I’m around I will love her and cherish her and share my life’s journey with her for as long as I possibly can.

I hope that, in some distant and as-yet only hypothetical future, she should be able to love and to give compassion to anyone who needs it. When they look into her eyes, I will be there looking back at them if only as a fond memory of another compassionate and loving soul who, at one point in his life, chose to fall in love again.

This entry was posted on Sunday, December 18th, 2005 at 7:05 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.